Here is a talk that my boss posted by Stephanie Snyder of Urban Flow Yoga. On a whim, I gave it a listen and 10 minutes later, I truly felt inspired, enlightened and reflective of my journey through life. It struck a chord with me and threw me back to the reality of a previous life that I constantly hid from, that kept me from being honest with myself and bound me to “shackles of shame.”
I, by no means had a difficult life – I had a roof over my head, I was fed and clothed and educated and I had a family that was very loving. There was nothing to complain about and yet there was still that darkness, in my own head… Cloudy thoughts of depression, of self-loathing, of embarassment. And it kept me hostage and even my potential hostage too.
Even way back when, I said it HERE first:
“Underneath all the excess weight was a happy, energetic, adventurous woman – she was just being brought down by lethargy.”
The weight was the initial issue, but furthermore, it was the continuing downward spiral my mind was taking me… and it looked like there would be no way out. It was my sick mind that turned itself against me and made me HATE myself.
OH boo freaking hoo, you were a fat girl, you say.
After all those years of self-loathing and pity… FINALLY… there was a moment I realized my own potential and gave a BIG eff you to feeling sorry for myself. “What the fuck are you going to do about it?” I said to myself.
So I took action and shed those extra 60 pounds and those crippling thoughts. I could say this story over and over again because goddammit, it was such a BIG part of my life… the majority of my life. And I’m still reeling over it. But clearly, there is something different within me.
What you hide from the world owns everything you do. Your most successful existence will come from making friends with your broken places and being of service.
I am still an emotional piece of work, but I am trying to work with it instead of against it. To really know myself. But I know now that I am genuinely happier to be in my own skin.